Sunday, January 29, 2012

So This Could be My Life...

Spending time with family consists of eating, drinking, dancing, drinking  tea, more eating, and catching up.  I enjoy our time together and as time goes by I begin to feel a bit closer to them.  Going off to country clubs and family events, I think to myself “So this could be my life.”
I easily could have lived in India and found a job before this point, but backtracking and going into the past is not the way I live so it is best to focus on what could be rather than what could have been.  Finding a full-time job working in India with a NGO is such a real possibility. There is potential to have real time with family: being here for family events-the weddings, the birthdays, the parties, the births, and festivals.

We drive around listening to amazing dance stations heading to the country clubs or nice nightclub venues. It is the life that I have become accustomed to in New York, Chicago, and LA.  This is the reality of my cousin’s life and our family I am realizing-living comfortably and having success in their businesses.  They work hard and play harder, just like me.  If I chose to live in Bangalore, I would fit into this life very well.  Not even a life of materialism, but just sitting at home with everyone in the living room, watching a movie, or making dinner is such a joy. 

For so long, I have felt alone.  I never knew I had such a great family right at my fingertips all this time.  I just want to be there for the family functions and the real time they spend together.  It makes me feel loved and part of something real.  I always encourage my clients to have social support in their lives and I deserve that too.  I deserve to be a part of a real family who love and cares about me.  I have built up such an independence, but overtime I learn it is okay to let people in and let people help you.  Asking for help is something I do not like to do. I like to take care of everything on my own, but what if that is not working for me?

We all need a little bit of help sometimes and swallowing your pride is part of that realization and request PRIS.  I am not talking about anything financial because I can always make it on my own, but I just want love. I want to be unconditionally loved.  It takes two to tango and I definitely need to do my part on this new found family relationship.  I want to be a good cousin, niece, Aunt, and granddaughter.  It takes work, sacrifice, and commitment.  Am I willing to go the extra mile? I hope so.....

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