Sunday, January 29, 2012

Haunted by What Could Have Been

My Grandmother’s pictures haunt me. I stare in her eyes and God’s spirit runs through me as I feel her love for me.  She was one of a kind and strong, courageous just like me.  She was a beautiful spirit from above and I missed the opportunities to be with her.  Why did I miss out on so much? I feel cheated by real love and what could have been.  I wonder why I was forced into such loneliness and independence when I had family that seemed distant yet were so close.  One would say I had my mother’s side of the family, but they were never really family as it always felt superficial. I was given this path from my higher power and with this path I have learned, lived, loved, sacrificed, and worked to be of service to others. But I am still haunted......

Haunted by her face, her smile, and her scent

Haunted by my own irresponsibility and lack of regard

Haunted by our once meeting yet leaving me so soon

Haunted by fear and regret for my own choices

Haunted by a love that could have blossomed, a relationship that could have been

Haunted by my father’s heart beating for his mother

Haunted by a love from above that touches my soul so deep I cry and cry

Haunted by not saying goodbye and barely even saying hello


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